My co-worker showed up to an event with the most irresistible shoes on. I was immediately hooked. I love heels, and wear them often. I like sleek ones, boring ones, wild and crazy ones, low ones, high ones, platforms, stilettos, I like them all. And I’ve mastered walking in them. I can even do a little jog if I need to. Hey now! As I’ve grown older though, I’ve come to realize the extreme importance of comfort, stability and practicality of shoe wearing. I have to pass on some shoes now because I know they just wouldn’t be practical for me to dare wear all day.
I asked my co-worker if these delicious shoes were comfortable. She let me know they were indeed comfortable but at the same time, she had to be very careful wearing/walking in them. I know shoes like that. I can wear shoes like that. I don’t mind needing to be cautious in a pair of awesome shoes every now and again. My co-worker let me know they weren’t easy to find (from several seasons back) but encouraged me to search. I searched and finally found some. Woo hooo! I rushed and ordered them. If I’m unable to truly wear them, I’ll just easily re-sell to someone that can.
I should note now that these shoes are quirky as heck. Wild, funny, crazy, bizarre, creepy, awesome, and most importantly… need to be walked in very cautiously.
The shoes arrived and I realized when I put them on to test out that I can actually wear these! It’s doable!! I didn’t think I’d be able to walk in them but I can! I can wear them if I’m going someplace only to sit down for the entire time and to get to that place I’ll need someone to drop me off right at the front door, and at that place, my seat needs to be nowhere further than 1 ½ feet from the door and while at that place I cannot consume any liquids or eat because I will not be able to walk to the bathroom (unless it is 1½ feet or less from my seat). Other than that I love the shoes and will wear them one day when I have a chauffeur, a miniature little portable potty (something like the one shown below) ankle braces to support my ankles, and ice packs for my calves and thighs for later (because the shoes weigh 75 pounds each — or more). I can’t wait!
Update: I finally wore the shoes and took a bad fall and tumble. My wrist and both ankles are in pain and I’m bruised. I fell all the way down to the ground, this wasn’t just a little stumble or quick mishap trip. No, I came crashing down hard. I had a bag in my hand which ripped during the fall and stuff went flying everywhere. My hand is green and purple and scraped up like when you are a kid and play rough outside and fall on the sidewalk or street a few good hard times during the day.
Clearly I overestimated my current shoe walking abilities. But I love the shoes! And anyway, the walkway where I fell has a slight slant to it, so now I just know that I can’t walk on anything even slightly slanted. Or I WILL fall (said like, “you WILL get Chlamydia….. and die’” ←click here ).
This fall took place walking from my doorstep to my car (maybe a full 10 foot distance).
*** I like Jefferey Campbell shoes — I’m not bashing the quality of the brand. I’m saying I’m just not talented enough to wear these specific shoes… which I have renamed ‘Stepping On Prissy Bit**ches Heads’.
Originally published at www.huffingtonpost.com on May 16, 2017.