These Shoes

(Jeffrey Campbells Icy Wedge with Barbie Doll Heads – Pinterest)

My co-worker showed up to an event with the most irresistible shoes on. I was immediately hooked. I love heels and wear them often. Sleek, boring, wild and crazy, low, high, platforms, stilettos, I like them all! I’ve mastered walking in them and can even do a little jog if I need to. Hey now! As I’ve grown older though, I realize the extreme importance of comfort, stability and practicality of shoe wearing. I have to pass on some shoes now because I know they wouldn’t be practical for me to wear all day. I wouldn’t dare.

My coworker let me know these delicious shoes were comfortable but that she had to be very careful walking in them. I know shoes like that. I don’t mind needing to be cautious in a pair of awesome shoes every now and again. My co-worker let me know they weren’t easy to find (from several seasons back) but encouraged me to search. I searched and finally found some. Woo hoo! I rushed and ordered them with the thought that if I’m unable to truly wear them, I’ll just re-sell to someone who can.

I should note now that these shoes are quirky as heck. Funny, crazy, bizarre, creepy, awesome, and most importantly… need to be walked in very cautiously.

The shoes arrived and I realized when I put them on to test out that I can actually wear these! It’s doable!! I didn’t think I’d be able to walk in them but I can! I can wear them if I’m going someplace only to sit down for the entire time and to get to that place I’ll need someone to drop me off right at the front door, and at that place, my seat needs to be nowhere further than 1 ½ feet from the door and while at that place I cannot consume any liquids or eat because I will not be able to walk to the bathroom (unless it is 1½ feet or less from my seat). Other than that I love the shoes and will wear them one day when I have a chauffeur, a miniature little portable potty (something like the one shown below) ankle braces to support my ankles, and ice packs for my calves and thighs for later (because the shoes weigh 75 pounds each — or more). I can’t wait!

Update: I finally wore the shoes and took a bad fall and tumble. My wrist and both ankles were in pain and bruised. I fell all the way down to the ground. This wasn’t just a little stumble or quick mishap trip. No, I came crashing down hard. I had a bag in my hand which ripped during the fall and stuff went flying everywhere. My hand turned green and purple and was scraped up like when you’re a kid and play too rough outside and fall on the pavement a few good hard times.

Clearly I overestimated my current shoe walking abilities. But I love the shoes! And anyway, the walkway where I fell has a slight slant to it, so now I just know that I can’t walk on anything even slightly slanted. Or I WILL fall (said like, “you WILL get Chlamydia….. and die’” ←click here ).

This fall took place walking from my doorstep to my car (maybe a full 10 foot distance).

*** I like Jefferey Campbell shoes — I’m not bashing the quality of the brand. I’m saying I’m just not talented enough to wear these specific shoes… which I have renamed ‘Stepping On Prissy Bit**ches Heads’.

Go Girl


Originally published at on May 16, 2017.

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